The Return...for Snow

Well sweet darlings has it been a while?

Yes.

Yes it has.

And yet, here I am again, back to blog once more. Back to start a new adventure in this beautiful/mad/crazy thing that I call my life. It's both good and bad, but it is what it is and so we can only roll with each day as it comes, eh?

It's Christmas my bloggites and it's a unique kind of Christmas. It's the first Christmas without either of my grandmothers. It's not a great feeling. I'm not much in the spirit. It's not like December was always a wonderful month anyway. Let's face it. It's usually cold, windy, gray, and otherwise miserable. We eat things that taste good but make us feel like garbage, we spend too much on things we or no one else needs, we pine away over all the things that we would get people if we only had the money. In fact the only respite that we have is usually snow.

I love snow.

Some people don't. But I love the beautiful white after seeing what is usually gray for so long. It gives me hope for something better. For something new and fresh. It's like a blank canvas and you can paint it with anything new that you want. (Ok, so maybe that was a bit dramatic.)

December 04 I lost a great friend in a car crash. December hasn't been the same since. Now spending a Christmas without my Granny and my Mamaw has made it even more of a bummer.

Christmas is an ending and it is a time to usher in a new beginning. It's so cliché really to talk about new beginnings happening in January, but it's true. It's a chance to reinvent who you want to be. With the blank canvas of the new snow you have a reason to believe that the new year will be the same. A blank canvas. A new chance to do something different, to be something different. December can be a time to celebrate that you made it. You made it another year, you survived!

I've tried hard to not be a DebbieDowner this season. I work as a nanny and so I took time to get the kids I watch something special, things that they said they really wanted and that was a bright spot in my holiday season. But it's not the same. I've grown tired of just making it to another Christmas. I've grown tired of the gray the low funds the hum-drum that has become day to day.

I want snow!

I want to look out on the landscape like it was the landscape of my life and see only the white, blank canvas. I want to see it fresh and clean and spotless and empty. I want to dot it with redbirds and footprints to uncharted places. I want to make snow angels and leave snowman tracks that lead to a new friend. I want the wonder, the sparkle.

I want snow to fall over me.

I want a blank canvas.

It's Christmas Day and I feel largely uninspired about the season and about life in general. That is a piss poor way to be, especially at Christmas.

I just want a few flakes.....

followed by a blizzard!