The Fat Chronicles: Why Fatties Don't Run

There's a reason you know.

A reason why fatties do NOT, I repeat DO NOT run.

Actually there are a number of reasons.

 

 

1. Things move on you that don't move on other people

2. These moving things are often uncomfortable

3. Your feet and legs were not really made to have the force of a skyscraper banging down on them

4. A 25 minute mile is nothing to be proud of

5. What will people think

 

In case you haven't noticed, these are pretty much bullshit reasons.

 

Last year, at my heaviest, I did a 5k. It was AWESOME. I didn't run the whole thing, in fact I barely jogged through most of it. I wasn't last though, I felt great when I was finished because AT LEAST I FINISHED. I felt accomplished, I felt proud to bring home that race bib.

This year I have a 5-5k goal. I have since signed up for 3. This year I am about 60 pounds lighter for my first race than I was last year. Will I be able to jog the whole thing this time? Maybe.

But maybe not.

But that doesn't matter. The fact that I am doing it is what matters.

 

There is a LOT to be said for showing up. People throw off on participation, in the words of Reece Bobby "If you ain't first, you're last"
But that isn't the case at all!

When you do these things, as an overweight person, you don't have to do them to be first or to beat anyone but yourself. Do it for YOU. FINISH. Because the person that you run for is YOU. Eff what anyone else things. Who cares what they think? You may not do it as fast but YOU ARE DOING IT, the same as they are.

It is something to be proud of. You showed up. You made the effort. You are taking control of your life. You are doing more than anyone on the couch. You have decided to make a change.

The reasons that fatties don't run are reasons that have nothing to do with us and everything to do with other people. There are good sites online for fat runners to find things that will make it more comfortable for you. Other than that, tell everyone to fuck off.

You wanna run? RUN. You may be slow, you may have a 30 minute mile starting out but who cares. You will get better. So run, fatty, run. Imagine that there is a slice of Cheesecake Factory cheesecake at the end of the line, or a Big Mac or you know whatever motivates you.

Why don't fatties run? Because we let other people determine our value when it comes to exercise. I say YOU determine your value and YOU choose what you want to do. Maybe I'll see you at one of my 5k's. Maybe you will pass me. But we will both finish, and it will be awesome.

The Fat Chronicles: Sometimes You're Off the Wagon

 

Don't be fooled friends. You will not always be on the wagon. It's true. There will be times when you fall off. There may be days or even weeks when you are simply running beside the wagon, or walking behind the wagon.

 

But sometime, you will get off the wagon. Life will be particularly stressful, funds will be low, your mood will be bad, you will be on vacation or whatever number of things that can knock your ass off your wagon seat.

 

You won't forget about the wagon. You won't rip up your ticket, but you will get off for a while. You will eat things more often than you know you should, at times and in quantities that you know are insane. You won't weigh because you know what the scale will say.

 

The point of me saying this is to remind you of a few things:

1. You didn't gain the weight in a day, you won't lose it in one

 

2. Just like it will take more than one day or week to undo the damage from you not caring about what you eat, it will take more than one day or week to undo all the hardwork. Don't let it get you down if you are off the wagon for a day or a week or even two weeks. THOSE TIMES WILL HAPPEN. But you cannot let them begin to define you as your eating habits did before. Just roll with it.

 

3. Having these off the wagon times DO NOT make you a failure, or make you weak, or make you any other horrid thing that you can think that you are. It makes you HUMAN. It makes you someone that has good times and has bad times and has to deal with them. It makes you a work in progress. It makes you someone who has to relearn how to deal with stress and heartache and anger and fear and the other emotions that can drive you off the wagon.

 

4. The wagons follow a circle. Don't drive yourself crazy with slips. The wagons go in a circle, it will be back around. If it isn't coming soon enough, go after the em-effer.

 

5. Don't EVER GIVE UP. I have preached and preached that I DO NOT advocate for 'diets'. Again your diet is what you DO eat, not what you do NOT eat. Obtaining a healthier lifestyle isn't like obtaining a new coffeemaker. You don't just go to the store and get it. A healthier lifestyle is something that you have to work for a learn and practice and sometimes you will be uber successful about it and sometimes you won't.

 

6. You are still a FUCKING ROCKSTAR! You are still moving forward. You can still do this. At least if you are off the wagon you can move along side it and then jump back on. KEEP MOVING. That is exercise.

 

Sometimes you will be off the wagon. But that doesn't mean that you need to set the wagon on fire and rob the other people on it then execute them and leave them for dead in the middle of the desert. Just get back on.



The Fat Chronicles: Beginnings

 

One does not simply decide to get a healthier lifestyle. Of this I feel most certain. I decided ten million times that I was going to lose weight, go on a diet, get 'hott' (with 2 T's). But, I didn't. Or, I would for a while, but it would never last. I'd end up weighing more than I did before.

 

 

No, before you REALLY decide to change your life, you have to have a wake up call, an epiphany, a come to Jesus moment for you Southerners. You have to have a moment like in "A Christmas Story" where Ralphie has just mindlessly said yes to the football from Santa and then shouts to himself "WAKE UP STUPID!". You need a moment like that.

 

 

It may take more than one for you, it did for me. I can recall every moment that pushed me towards a better lifestyle. Going to the theme park with the kids and not riding rides I wanted to get on because I was certain that I would not fit in the seats; watching My 600lb Life on TLC and being fearful that that would be me one day, not being able to get out of bed or do anything without feeling like complete garbage. Then, one day, it just hit me!

 

 

It was like a low flying bird pooping on you at the beach. I had my moment. The planets aligned and something in me snapped and I thought NO MORE! No more will I be sick and tired of being sick and tired, no more will I live a life that I know is less than what I am capable of living. I was fat, I was miserable, and I thought I was stuck.

 

 

Notice that, I THOUGHT I was stuck. See being almost 320 pounds makes you feel pretty hopeless anyway. Because society teaches you that you are hopeless at that weight. You start to believe the people that look at you like you are nothing because to them you just can't put down the fork. To them you are eating McDonald's Big Macs like cough drops in winter, to them we sit at home and devour extra large pizza after pizza not caring what is happening to our bodies. To them, you are disgusting. Lazy. Ugly. Worthless; and hopeless.

 

 

I've felt hopeless. I've felt hopeless a lot of times. I was not going to spend my life as a victim. And that's what you are to your fat. A victim. My soul and my spirit were a victim to my body. That freaking sucks ass.

 

 

I decided that day that this year was going to be MY year! This was going to be the time that I turned my life around and stopped DYING and started LIVING! I was tired of living a half life, tired of being in the shadows on my own making. I had to make a change.

 

 

I have said it once before and I will say it once again that your diet is what you DO eat, not what you DO NOT eat. I am not on a diet. Diets get old, they are restrictive, they fail they suck immortal ass. Nope, I was not going on a diet.

 

 

I was CHANGING my diet. I did some research (always a good starting point for any project). I researched the whole Eat Right for your Blood Type thing. I'm a type O, so there are things that my ancestral blood are not fans of. We are the cavemen! We enjoy meat and veggies and natural grains. So refined grains are not our friends, dairy isn't either. We have high acid content stomachs and so high acid foods do not sit well with us either. The more I read about it, the more I found that I did in fact feel crappy sometimes when I ate these certain foods. My Mom was diagnosed with Celiac disease. I had a LOT of the same symptoms that she did (she is also Type O) and the type O foods and the Celiac foods really go hand in hand. So I did what any educated person would do. I tried to cut out those foods.

 

 

I started getting Ezekiel or Gluten Free bread, I started buying more fruits and veggies, I switched to Almond or Soy milk, I bought GF pasta and sauce, Veggie cheese (non-dairy, GF), even GF ice cream! And an amazing thing happened....

I started to feel less like the underside of someone's shoe.

 

 

Then an even MORE amazing thing happened! When I started to feel less like shit, I wanted to exercise more. I had more energy, less head aches, I felt dare I say vivacious! The more I moved the better I felt too. It's an amazing cycle. It's so funny to me that the same downward spiral that we can get caught in also works in reverse.

 

 

That was a lot of words to get around to what this series of blogs called The Fat Chronicles are all about. It's about MY journey. Not to lose a ton of weight, not to be a size zero, but to be HAPPY and HEALTHY and to be LIVING my life instead of existing and just moving through it. That sucked. That sucked a big one. I don't EVER want to go back to being that girl that stood still while life moved around her. I'm tired of feeling like garbage...but it's no wonder I was putting GARBAGE in! So of course I was getting GARBAGE out!

 

 

Here are a few quick tips to help you start on your journey.

 

 

1. What is your wake up call? Remember I said everyone has one. You have to find yours in order to be able to REALLY implement any kind of permanent change into your life. Maybe you have a kid and you want to be able to play with them at the park, maybe you think that you will want to have a kid one day and you realize the risks of being obese and pregnant, maybe you want to go shopping with your best friend, maybe you want to stop living in the background, or stop feeling like trash. FIND YOUR WAKE UP CALL.

 

2. Set a goal & a reward. This doesn't have to be something grand. DO NOT start your goal with weighing 150 if you weigh 280. DO NOT set your goal and being able to do an Ironman run if the most exercise you get is walking from the couch to the mailbox. Make SMALL, ATTAINABLE goals. You are going to feel so much better about yourself if you actually REACH your goals than if you are always chasing them and not feeling like you are making any progress. Maybe start with saying you just want to lose 5 pounds, maybe you want to improve your mile time from 20 minutes to 18 minutes, maybe you want to try to exercise for 30 minutes a day 3 times a week. SET SMALL GOALS. Bigger goals will come with time.

Now set a reward for reaching your goal. What will you get for losing that first 5lb? Maybe you will get a frozen yogurt, or a new pair of earrings or something. Maybe you want to go bigger and say if I can lose 20 pounds in x number of months I will get a new pair of shoes. You NEED a motivator! You do not need an ultimate goal, you need a in the next month goal and an in the next month motivator. People THRIVE on rewards. Give yourself one.

 

 

3. Get a calorie counter tool.  You don't have to spend a shit-ton of money on WW or any other plan that wants you to buy their calorie books or their foods or whatever else. You don't need to get special shakes or special meals you have a grocery store near you. You don't have to carry around a book and a calculator. Counting calories SUCKS. I mean, it's time consuming, it's annoying, AND IT IS ESSENTIAL! Allow me to assume for a minute that you know NOTHING about how the body works. Gaining/losing weight is simple math. I understand it and I freaking HATE math. Calories IN vs. calories OUT. If you take in more than you put out, you will gain weight. If you put out more than you take in, you will create a calorie deficit and you will lose weight. Sound simple...well, that's because it IS! It is essential that you count calories or you are just going at this blind. If you have an Android or iPhone I recommend you use the My Fitness Pal app. It is FREE to download and it has a HUGE list of foods. What does this mean? Well, it means that if you go to Taco Bell you can just bring up your MFP app and type in the search bar what you had and it will bring it up for you. It also has a cool scanner tool where you can scan the barcode on a food package and it will bring up all the nutritional info and input that for you. If you have a favorite recipe at home, you can input everything that goes into the recipe and the number of servings and it will tell you the nutritional value per serving. You can also access this online so if you don't have your phone or you don't want to enter ingredients on the phone you can do it that way. Besides tracking calories there is a section to track exercise. You can choose the activity that you have done and the amount of time that you have done it and it will give you an estimated caloric burn. The list of activities is also pretty extensive. Another thing that I like about this app is that you can search your Facebook to see if you have friends that use the app and you can add them as friends so you have extra people cheering you on. It tracks your weight and other body info on a graph, you can see your nutrition info, and you can set goals. Based on your current weight and your goal it will set a daily caloric goal for you, it will even alter your goal based on your level of exercise through the day as long as you track it in your app. It also syncs with a lot of other fitness applications. It won't be easy at first, but after a month or so tracking your calories will become second nature and since most of us have our phones on us at all times anyway, you are already ready already.

 

 

4. Get a GOOD pair of workout shoes and maybe even some other gear. Okay, so the 'other gear' is not a necessity, well it kind of is, but the shoes DEFINITELY are! Fat people have feet issues. Why? Well think about all the weight that your legs and feet are carrying that is in excess. Now imagine becoming more active. YOU MUST HAVE ADEQUATE SUPPORT FOR YOUR FEET!!! If you don't know what is a good shoe for what you are doing, go to Footlocker or Hibbett's or wherever they sale athletic shoes (not a huge shoe store a specifically ATHLETIC shoe store) and ask. You may be embarrassed but I can guarantee you that you will get more respect from them than you think because they know that you are taking steps to improve your life. The salespeople will be happy to help. Even if they should say something off color or think down on you if they help you get a good shoe it's worth not having aching feet. If your feet hurt when you exercise you will be less likely to do it again...see where I'm going with this.

Now, for the cute workout gear. It's kind of a necessity. What do I mean, well, look, you cannot properly exercise in jeans, you just can't. You at least need to get some good pants to exercise in. If you want some that are cute and good quality and cheap, www.walmart.com has some great options from Danskin Now. Just search under apparel, women's plus, and active wear. The bad thing is that they are not big on restocking often. Another brand that I really love is Old Navy. I love ON clothing and their workout gear is AWESOME! It is a little pricey, but the quality seems really good and it's cute and it fits well. Their compression pants are GREAT...they really keep things in place and are super comfy. If you don't want to do compression they have non-compression clothing too. Of course you can do an online search and there are probably more places that do plus size workout clothing, but these are two of my favorites for things that are not made for a 60 year old woman. They are cute and look young, and I mean I may be fat, but I still want to look cute. :)

 

 

5. Don't fall into the hype...aka the money pit. Let me warn you in advance, the amount of money that you will begin to spend on food will increase; SIGNIFICANTLY. Fresh, organic, gluten free, NON-PROCESSED foods are expensive. You may find yourself having sacrifice some things to afford the better food, but it will be worth it. I promise you. All those foods that you are buying albeit easy on the wallet are killing you. They are full of things that you cannot pronounce that aren't even food. But this tidbit of advice is about the 'weight-loss programs' out there. ViSauls, Shakeology, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and NutriSystem are all MONEYPITS. Don't waste your money on these programs. I'm not saying that they don't work. I'm not saying that they don't  have good ideas about weight-loss, but they are a BUSINESS. Their goal isn't your success, their goal is to make money. Using these programs you will spend about $300 a month on their product AND you will still have to buy regular grocery store food to supplement it. There is NOTHING that they will give you in their food that you cannot get from regular food in the store. If you need to get vitamin supplements, get them, if you aren't sure what you need, go to a health food store and find out, ask your doctor what may be good for you. These programs are not teaching you how to make good food decisions, they teach you how to become dependent on their product for success. You DO NOT need some gimmick to get healthy and lose weight. You only need yourself, some education and the RIGHT foods. Of course if you choose to use these programs that is fine, but remember they are about making money not helping you. They may be good programs but they are money that you do NOT need to spend to be successful.

 

 

6. Educate yourself. There is some truth to the blood type thing. You don't have to run out and buy the book, you can find that information online. If you know your blood type you should do this, if you don't read about it and then you will probably be able to know what you are, If you try to eliminate some of the foods that are not good for your blood type you WILL see a difference in how you feel. The key to feeling better is working WITH your body not against your body. If you have thyroid issues, find out what food could help you, if you have blood sugar problems, research foods that have slow burn carbs that will keep your blood sugar steady. LOOK AT FOOD LABELS. If you don't know what you are eating and putting in your body that is like driving down the interstate with your eyes closed! You wouldn't do that (hopefully) so why in the hell would you fill your body with random shit? You wouldn't. You shouldn't. Don't. Educate yourself about what foods may be good for you, your blood type, your health situation and what you want to accomplish with your body.

 

 

7. Invest in a fitness tracker. This is certainly NOT a necessity, this is why you have found it so far down the list. BUT, it is a wonderful tool, an INVESTMENT that you will not regret, because it just may change your life. These are not cheap, the low end are still about $100, but they are WORTH EVERY PENNY that you spend! I have found mine to be a HUGE motivator (especially true if you are competition motivated like I am). There are a LOT of options now that you can choose from. Just to name a few that I am personally familiar with there is the Jawbone UP, the Misfit, there are trackers made by Nike and Garmin, and Fitbit is also a popular tracker. I personally have a Fitbit so let me take a minute to tell you about it. (You can search personal fitness trackers online and see, literally TONS of options and information about them. I have some limited knowledge of the Misfit too so I will drop on you what I have about that in a later post)

 

 

8. Get social supports. Losing weight is usually a very personal thing. We don't want anyone to know that we are doing it and really I have been guilty of this too and I wonder why we do this. But I digress, this is not a weight loss journey that you are on this is a get healthy journey that you are on and YOU WILL NEED SUPPORT. It will NOT be easy. Oh, yes, there are things that you can do to make it easier, one is to realize that you are not the only person in the world trying to live a healthier lifestyle, you just aren't. Even people who weigh 120 can be unhealthy. If your significant other gives you shit about cooking healthy food instead of what you used to cook, tell them to buy and fix their own damn food; if your friends keep wanting to take you to the buffet, they are not your friends and you should accordingly tell them to go f*ck themselves. There WILL be people in your life that want you to live to be old and senile. THESE are the people you need. There are MILLIONS of people on your same journey RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

This is why I make suggestions like My Fitness Pal and even the fitness trackers because they get you in a network of people who are just like you. It's so HARD to want to do the right thing. It's hard to exercise when you don't feel like it, or hard to pass up dessert at your favorite place, it's hard to not eat that whole pizza, it's hard to change. Find people like you. This is another reason that I decided to start this blog because again, the 130lb marathon runner isn't like you. You may be her one day, but you aren't now. Right now you don't have her struggles, so you can come here, or to your online family and get support.

 

 

9. Don't forget that you are still living life! The biggest stigma about a diet is that people associate a diet with things that you DON'T eat! This is crazy! Your diet is what you DO eat. Your diet is your day to day sustenance for life. You wouldn't say my dog's diet consists of...and list all the things he doesn't eat. You say my dog's diet consists of...and list all the not so good for your dog things that you give them. (McChickens, doggy ice cream, raw hides, etc)

So if you wouldn't describe your pet's diet in terms of what they don't eat, why would you yours?

Having a better diet isn't about being restrictive. If you are a human being there are things that you may like to eat.

Cake.

Ice cream.

Beer.

Pizza.

All of these awesome things that the word 'diet' tells you that you can't have.

 

That is bullshit.

If you deny yourself all of these great things what kind of life will that be? Pretty craptastic because I'm telling you if I had to go without ice cream the rest of my life, I would NOT be a happy camper!

The key is to remember that those foods are not very good for you, so maybe you shouldn't eat the whole cake, the whole pint, drink the whole 6 pack, or eat the whole pizza. Be AWARE of the calories that you are taking in (seems like I have said this before). I can say that I cannot think of ONE food that I have completely crossed off my list of foods I eat on this healthy lifestyle journey. No one wants to go through life feeling deprived, and you don't have to feel deprived of anything either. I enjoy food. Hell, I love food. I love cooking, I love enjoying it with people I love, I love so many things about food. But my life became about food and that old saying is true you eat to live not live to eat. So enjoy your food ALL OF THEM, but remember what you are putting in needs to be in line with what you are putting out.

 

 

10. You are not Hitler and you are not one of Hitler's Jews. Look, this isn't meant to be derogatory in anyway, my point is that you don't have to judge yourself so harshly, there is nothing wrong with you. You will not always eat all the right foods, you will not show a weight loss every time you step on the scale. Sometimes you will be on vacation and over indulge, you will go to visit your Momma and God knows that her cooking isn't always healthy, you will buy Girl Scout Cookies or something. Something will happen that you THINK will throw you off track. But don't think that way! No one is perfect, no one will do right all the time. You will have good days and bad days. You will have days where you don't want to exercise, you don't want to eat right. It will happen. But one day doesn't undo all of the work that you have done to that point. Don't let those days where you gain weight get you down or put you back to square one, don't let those times where you eat not so good things make you think that you are a failure. They happen and they are a part of life and they are not the end of the road, they are just a detour. Get your shit back together and carry on.

Yes, carry on.

Stick Fitness vs. Fat Fitness

I have, for reasons completely unknown to me, found myself joining a number of 'healthy lifestyle/fitness' groups on Facebook or through Pinterest and a number of other outlets. What starts out as excitement that you will get some healthy lifestyle tips soon turns into a beginning to a long list of people that you want to maim.

 

Why?

 

Because the women (and I assume men too) that run these blogs ARE IN SHAPE!

 

Now, look I know what you are thinking, why would I take fitness advice from a fatty? I get it. if I hired a nutritionist and went in and they weighted 300lb, I would probably turn and walk right out. But if you are trying to get a better lifestyle, you are having to deal with a lot of things that someone who is there, well doesn't.

 

So look, girl running the fitness blog. If I ever see you, I'm going to punch you in the face. Your blogs about making every trip a chance to exercise really doesn't apply to me. Your posts about getting back to your marathon weight just makes me want to eat a donut. Unless you can somehow make my trips to the bathroom exercise, you are not helping. You want to talk about getting back to running marathons and I just want to be able to walk from my car to my office without LOOKING like I just ran a marathon. You want me to do bench dips at the park with my kids. Look unless a bench dip is a new kind of sandwich or ice cream at 31 Flavors, I don't know what you are talking about and I am not interested and I can't do it.

 

If your highest weight was 145 and that was when you were 9 months pregnant, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE FAT. Please stop acting like it was such a struggle for you to get healthy. My days consist of trying to find non-elastic waist pants that fit, people who won't sneer at me when I go through the drive through or who won't treat me like I am less than a human because I'm fat. At my highest weight I weighed as much as all the children in a small undeveloped African village, I was harassed at Sea World for leaving my exhibit, I was mistaken for Uranus at the planetarium, I was used as a stunt man fall pillow. I wasn't still able to shop at American Eagle, in fact the only thing that I can own from there is perfume and a purse. I wasn't able to go to the beach in a bikini because I didn't want to have a Raspushia moment from Norbit when they ask me if I had on bottoms, I didn't want NOAA called out because there was a whale that was beached. I didn't take a thousand selfies a day. DO NOT, talk to me about being fat!

 

Now, look, I understand that you can not be obese and still be unhealthy. I get that. But I don't want to see you posting pics of your abs to try to motivate me to exercise more. Your ab pics make me think about how if I punched you in your stomach I wouldn't have to hit as hard because you don't have fat there.

 

I will not be running marathons in the near future. Hell, I'm not sure that I will be able to walk to my basement to do laundry without getting out of breath. If I am looking for healthy lifestyle advice I'm sorry but I don't really want to hear it from someone who has NO IDEA what it's like to be like me.

 

I want to read about someone like me. Someone who fights a battle every day to find clothes that fit, seats that fit, anything that will accommodate your body.

 

So I guess that is part of my purpose. I guess that I know that people like me who have to start small by maybe NOT eating McD 5 times a week, who can do a 25 minute mile IF they push themselves, want to hear from people just like them not a person who has never had to deal with the stigma of being obese. I need BABY steps. I need less than baby steps, I need hand holding to help me not, you know, DIE. my biggest worry isn't toning up for beach weather or being able to do that big race that in coming up.

 

My goal is to actually live till middle age. My goal is to be able to play with the kids in the park. My goal is NOT to end up as a TLC special or having to get cut out of my house. My goal is to be able to go into a store and buy clothes without worrying if they have my size. My goal is to stop feeling like shit.

 

I don't need stick fitness. You are done. You cannot help me. I need fat fitness. I need to hear the words of my people to help me make the changes that I need to make in an environment NOT filled with 7% body fat ab photos. I want an environment where we talk about how we did great to not eat that second cookie, or we didn't eat the whole pizza, the brownie batter made it to the oven. I want a place to talk to people who are trying to lose a person with their weight. I want a place where I'm on the same journey as the other people, not where I am, once again, a spectator on the fitness road.

 

So, I think to myself, what is the best way to find this? Well, do it I suppose. So here I go, along with my ever entertaining and informative musings on life, I will start to share my healthy lifestyle journey. So hold on for the ride ladies and gents. Fattys get on your girdles, sticks get thrown....prepare yourself with lowfat snacks of all kinds for....The Fat Chronicles! (dum, dum, dum!!!)



You're My Best Friend and I love you, but...you're fat

It's a strange thing, the way that your outlook on food changes when you decide to get healthier. You get this new energy and lust for life and you feel AMAZING and you want to share that with everyone! You start to notice all the people around you who are slowly killing themselves and who are robbing themselves of potentially YEARS of life and of joy.

Now look, here is the deal. I'm still fat. I have a LONG way to go before I am what would be considered a healthy weight. No fat person wants someone to tell them that they are fat. WE KNOW. It's not a secret to us or anyone else. Being healthy is a choice that everyone has to make on their own.

But herein lies the problem. What happens when someone you care about is really going down an unhealthy road? What do you do when you see someone that you love slowly killing themselves? Can you tell them? Should you tell them?

My issue is this. I have a friend, a best friend. Who has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. She has been there for me through thick and thin and I have her. No, we don't talk everyday, but that doesn't mean that I don't still love her. She has a young child now and I guess that is part of what has made me feel this way about her. Her mother died young, though not necessarily because of her own struggles with weight it was a contributing factor.

Now that I have started to improve my eating habits and I feel so much better I look at this girl that I love and I think to myself about all the things that she could miss out on with her son. She already has some weight related health issues and with the eating habits that I know she has it can only get worse. I think about how she won't be able to run with him at the park, she may not be able to fit into rides with him at theme parks, she could die young too, she could lose a lot of things she has now because of her health issues that she already has. This concerns me.

Is it my business? Not really, no. But I love her and I am concerned for her. So what do you do? What do you say? How do you tell someone that you are concerned about their eating habits? How do you tell them that with your newfound knowledge about how healthy eating can change your life that you are worried about her?

I don't think there is a way to do this that doesn't involve someone's feelings getting hurt. That is a sad thing really.

We have made weight such a hot button topic that it's wrong to talk about it and it's wrong not to. You don't want to say anything because you don't want to step on toes, you don't want to sound condescending, you don't want to make anyone mad. But weight isn't just about wearing a certain kind of clothes or working out. Your weight effects your LIFE. It can take time and joy away from you.

In a way I feel like I have no right to say anything to anyone about their weight. Mine is still MUCH higher than it should be. BUT, I am getting healthier. I don't care about being SKINNY, I care about being healthy and I care about being able to live my life to the fullest of my ability. I care about being able to ride rollercoasters with the kids (because, honestly, I have had to pass before for fear of not fitting in the car and not wanting to be embarrassed), I care about being able to run and play with them outside, I care about people taking me seriously in my career, I care about feeling good about who I am. I care about what I see in the mirror MATCHING what I see in my mind. I care about feeling good and feeling healthy and feeling strong. I care about being healthy and not filling my body with CRAP!

Your weight is not my business. It really isn't. It really isn't anyone's business but your own. But it's not wrong to tell someone that you care about their health. The worst that can happen is that tell you to fuck off and they are pissed at you for a while. The best is that they agree and now you have a workout buddy. You never know what words could change someone's life.

Sh*t Happens...and so does pizza, beer, ice cream, girl scout cookies, McDonalds, Starbucks..etc

It happens to all of us. It does really. You have those days or weeks where you are just, well, off.
 
Those times when you don't WANT to eat right, you don't WANT to put in effort. You are tired, you are maybe a little down, you feel overwhelmed, stretched, the weather is bad, you get your tax refund, whatever. SOMETHING makes you off kilter.
 
It happens.
 
So you finally move your bag of gluten free, all natural chicken strips and remember that you had girl scout cookies in the freezer. Thank You Berry Much? No. Dulce de Leche? No. Samoas and Thin Mints? Now THOSE were meant for me.

What is the serving size on these again? Right, two cookies. So you have two cookies. Eight times.

Your significant other gets their tax refund and so you go out to eat. Since you have splurged on this, you may as well go all out. So you go to the ice cream place, the cupcake place, you have beer and margaritas. You are on a slippery slope my friends. A slippery slope indeed.

So because you are at your third job most of the day and the time has changed and you feel like you can't get caught up on your sleep, and you have been out to eat like 4 days this week and the weather has been rainy and you had housework to do. You kind of lose your way.

You had a bad week.

Shit happens.

What you do with that shit is what defines you.

Your choices are as follows:
1- Leave the shit in your life.
I mean, who doesn't love walking in the bathroom to find that the person before you didn't flush? (Please don't get me started that is another blog in itself). It's nice to be reminded that even though you were doing so good before that you messed up. It's good to be reminded that you are weak, prone to failure, a screwup, and that your old shit will keep coming back to you.

2- FLUSH IT!
Flush that shit away. Don't let it ruin your day or your week or all the progress that you have made so far. Having a bad day or a bad week doesn't define you. Changing your lifestyle is HARD! Changing your eating habits is HARD. If it was easy there wouldn't be morbidly obese people, there wouldn't be addicts. Change is hard. It is a process. It is often a   s  l  o  w process. Maybe you did decide one day to change your eating habits or your exercise habits. Maybe you made that commitment. Good for you if you did. But you didn't become a fatty or an addict overnight. You won't NOT become that way overnight either.

Food is good. All those things I mentioned are good. We should have good food sometimes. But if you are a food addict, or even just a person who enjoys eating what you enjoy even when maybe you shouldn't, you have to be aware of what goes in your body.

After about 2-3 days of all those things I listed. I felt like crap (again). I was tired, I didn't want to go exercise. My head hurt, I just felt well, like shit. So, I decided to flush it! (Literally, I'm doing a detox/cleanse).

Sometimes you just need to rejuvenate yourself. Get pissed that you gained back weight that you worked so hard to lose. Get pissed that you are no longer at the top of the rankings, get pissed that you were weak. (NOTE: we all have moments of weakness, they happen, they shouldn't discourage you, but you CAN use them as a motivator to do more.)

This is a new week.
This is a new chance.
This is a fresh start.
This is a flush.

Shit happens people. But what you do with it makes all the difference. Don't let it hang around reminding you of all the things that are messed up in your life. Flush it. Flush it out of your life and out of your mind and get back to how you want to be. Don't let it linger around. Spray air freshener. Open a window, light a match for cripes sake. But get the shit and the smell of it out of your life.

Punch a girl scout outside of Walmart in the face (no, don't really do that you would probably get arrested and if all those little girls ganged up on you I would bet that they could mess you UP!); break that beer bottle on the floor! (You probably shouldn't do that either unless you are at home and you know, wearing shoes) Run into McD and shout F**K YOU! and give them the finger (again, 5150 possible here).

Temptation and weakness and bad days are GOING TO HAPPEN.

FLUSH.
THAT.
SHIT.

Everyone deserves a clean bowl, even you. Don't let all the bad linger on....Flush it, and start again.

An Open Letter to Penny from "My 600lb Life"

 

It seems like everyone and their Momma and grandmomma are taking to social media today to write open letters to this person or that person that is basically screwing up their life. So, I guess why the heck don't I jump on the band wagon.

 

Oh, I could go on and on about Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber, but they have no hope of changing as long as they are celebs that everyone believes can do no wrong, no the person that I will chose to spend my open letter on is Penny from the TLC series My 600lb Life.

Dear Penny,

     Your episode of My 600lb Life really struck a chord with me. Not just because I too am an obese woman who has used food or comfort, but because you spoke of your desire and willingness to change and yet you squandered the greatest opportunity that you could have ever gotten.

  You are currently on disability. Not because you are mentally deficient or have some type of congenital handicap, but because you are too large to go to work. Why you don't get a work from home job (they do exist) I do not know. Because you are unable to move from your bed your spouse also cannot work. My husband and I both work and sometimes we struggle. I can't imagine what it is like living off just your disability payments, and yet, instead of getting food with ANY nutritional value at the grocery store you choose to have your husband get cake mixes, cookies, ice cream, etc.

  Some people are overweight because of medical issues whether they are physical or mental and I understand that. But I am unsure which one you fall into.

  I do not know how the show works with payment for this surgery. Does the show pay since you are on it? Does the Dr. comp the surgery, does your private insurance pay? But no matter how it is paid for I want you to be aware that the cost and the hoops that one has to go through to get this surgery is astronomical. 
  
    When I had health insurance, my insurance required that I go through 6 months of a rigorous diet and checking in with my physician because they would consider paying for the surgery. If they could prove that I was unable to lose weight without the surgery, then I could submit to have it approved. A procedure that I am sure would cost perhaps $100,000.

     I do not have children. One of the reasons that I have no had children is because I am obese and I know how serious it can be for me and for the fetus for someone of my size to be pregnant. I don't want to miss out on things in my child's life like riding rides with them picking them up at school, etc. Now I am not your size, but these things are more difficult than they would be if I were not this size.
 
  So you are given the opportunity to have this weightloss surgery at one of the best hospitals for it, by one of the best surgeons. You have the chance to get OUT of your bed and take care of your son and experience things with him and be a MOM to him, not just a mother. You have the chance to SAVE YOUR LIFE. You talk about wanting to change and being willing to change and what do you do?

  You waste it.

  You are selfish. I understand that you most probably have some type of mental issue which you need counselling for to help you move past using food as a crutch and help you STOP SEEING YOURSELF AS A VICTIM. Maybe they give you that but did not show it on the show. I know that my insurance was also going to require that I meet with a psychologist.

  You had your husband sneak food into the hospital for you, you REFUSED to put forth any effort to walk or even get up out of bed. You blatantly LIED on national television by first telling the doctor that you had your diet information to follow and then saying that you didn't have it. You acted like a spoiled child, not a mother fighting for her life.

  There are millions of people who would probably give everything that they own to be able to have this opportunity that you were given. But you are so happy being a bedridden, absentee parent who is living off the system that you REFUSE to put forth any effort. You should be ashamed of yourself.

  The reality is that you will probably be dead within 5 years at this rate. Your son will have to look back at this episode when he gets older and he will realize that you had the chance to change your life. You were given every opportunity to make your life one where you were able to do the things that you wanted with him. He will realize that you COULD have changed, and you didn't. He will put you in the ground having NEVER known what it was like to wave to you from his karate classes, or school graduations, he will stand beside your casket knowing that your love for him was not greater than your love for food.

  I started this by saying that I too am obese. I am. I still crave food everyday, I still want to turn to that when I am made or sad. But I decided that the future I want is more important than that hamburger or venti B&W Mocha. My hope for you is that you will really put your love and concern for your son first. Think of him. Think of what he deserves in life. Please, save yourself. Get some counselling, make the change, take this opportunity that you were given. I know that it can be scary and hard. But I promise you that is it worth it. I have lost almost 16 pounds. I'm almost under 300 now. It's not easy, it's damn hard, but I promise you it is worth it.

A Heaping Helping of FU

Some people eat crow.

Some people eat tofu.

Some people eat sprouts.

Some people need to eat a heaping helping of eff you.

How do I know, Charlotte? How do I know when to serve up a steaming pile?

Well, trust me. You'll know.

You'll know when you have heard for the 100th time that you can't, you won't, it's impossible. That you are a failure and that you aren't good enough. You'll know when you seek support and you don't get it.

I urge you to tell your 'haters' to go on. Go on and tell you that you aren't good enough. That you can't. You won't. It's impossible. It will never work. You will never make it. Because then, oh, then it will be so much sweeter when you cook their meal of FU.

So work hard my loves. Season that up real nice so that when you serve it. You can sit back and relish in all that you have accomplished!

Eat MORE?

 

People striving for a healthier lifestyle psych themselves out. I'm one of those people.

 

I'm fat.

 

It's no secret to me or anyone else around me. Oh, I don't doubt that I have beautiful features. My teeth are lovely, my eyes sparkly, and I have nice finger nails and a good singing voice. But, I'm fat. I wasn't always this way, well, no, strike that. I always remember being heavy. But I was athletic and so it wasn't as much of a problem. Then circumstances came up and my weight ballooned and then I became obese. The cycle continues from there. I was depressed and so I ate more and I would now probably be considered morbidly obese. Again, this is obvious to anyone who would see me or pass me on the street.

 

This girl isn't pregnant. Not with triplets. She's fat.

 

Like others who are on a weightloss journey you think that 'dieting' is about eating less. This really is a catch 22. See when I think of eating less I think these nightmare inducing thoughts:

 

no starbucks

no ice cream

no pizza

no cereal

no Pals

no Starbucks (wait, did I say that already?)

 

The problem with this thinking is that you are already telling yourself all the things that you think you CAN'T have anymore. Now look, I don't know about you, but telling myself that I can't ever have another black and white mocha again....EVER is something that I just refuse to accept. We look at getting healthy as restricting ourselves from things that we enjoy because those things have made us fat.

 

Look here, Starbucks did not make me fat. Ben & Jerry did not make me fat. I made me fat.

 

But Charlotte, you say, some people have hormone imbalances or glandular problems. I understand this. I agree with this I fall into this category. But having a slow thyroid isn't an excuse for me being fat and it's not the main reason ever. Having a venti once or twice a month won't make you gain 80 pounds. Having one once or twice a week probably will add on a few.

 

Eating the recommended serving of ice cream every week or so won't send you to the fat farm. Eating a pint of ice cream twice a week probably will pull out your luggage.

 

The key to success with getting healthy...

allow me to digress a moment.

 

I hate the word "diet". I know that I have talked about his before. Your diet is what you DO eat, not what you DON'T eat. I will not use it.

 

Anyway, the key to success with obtaining and maintaining a healthier lifestyle is to eat MORE!

 

What the what, you say?

 

Yes, eat MORE! Eat MORE of the things that are good for you and less of the things that aren't. You don't have to give up going out to a nice place to eat with your significant other every now and then and having and app and an entree and a dessert and a drink. In limited engagements this is ok. It helps you remember that you aren't restricting yourself from everything that you love and that makes you feel like a normal person. But doing this three or four times a week is not a great idea.

 

Eat MORE veggies and fruits (but watch the sugar with fruit), eat MORE whole grains, eat MORE protein. Eat less sugar, less carbs, less fat, less empty calories. Eat MORE times a day. Studies have showing that eating 5-6 small meals a day (every 2-3 hours) is better than eating the 3 meals a day that we were brought up on. By eating consistently throughout the day like this it stops bloodsugar spikes and your body doesn't think that you are starving it.

 

Here is a good example.

 

Yesterday I didn't eat much at all. I slept till about 10 because I was feeling under the weather and I didn't eat anything till about 1 before I went for a walk. I ate a snack after the walk and then a fish salad and some rice noodle soup for dinner. I use the My Fitness Pal app on my phone and according to it my daily caloric target is 1930 cals based on my current weight. It says tat I took in 1302 cals, but with the off set for exercise only had 966. The day before (Thursday) I took in 1681 with no exercise. I lost MORE weight between Thursday and Friday than I did between Friday and Saturday.

 

Your body needs food to live. We use food for fuel and you don't waste fuel. Think of your body as your car. When your gas tank is full do you stand there and keep putting gas in and let it run out of the tank? Hopefully not. Your body is the same way. There is no reason to keep stuffing your tank full of excess fuel that you don't need and that you don't use. Eat to live, stop living to eat.

 

This is hard, extremely hard. Putting good things into your body will CHANGE you! It will change your body and your mind and it will change the way you think about food and weight and exercise and moderation and yes, even your diet.

 

Moderation not elimination.

Eat MORE.

(good stuff)

Get Thee Behind Me Starbucks Siren!

She calls to me. Her hair waves around her face like the wind from the ocean or a green field is blowing it. Perhaps she is atop a grand rock outcropping looking out onto a vast ocean or sea of green. Whatever her place in the universe she calls to me.

 

Her sweet siren song lures me in with the promise of warmth or coolness, of sweet, tart or savory, of something new and unexpected. She picks me up, she soothes me, she fills my soul. She is beautiful and exciting and delicious...and deadly.

 

She is the sweet siren lady of Starbucks.

 

She is my WCW (even though it's Thursday) and she is my personal devil in disguise.

 

She calls to me.

 

She waves her café mocha latte in my face. She beckons me with a black and white mocha, or a frap, or (gasp) caramel macchiato.

 

I love her.

 But I hate her.

 I desire her.

But I loathe her.

 

Honestly besides maybe Sharpie and Ben & Jerry, my worst addiction is Starbucks. Oh, I wasn't always this way. But when I moved and had one within out 5 minutes of my house...well, it be came an issue.

 

1- She takes money from me.

Like most gold diggers she is interested in only one thing, my money! She wants me to spend it all with her. "Come on," she whispers, "you know that you actually want a VENTI iced B&W."

 

2- She only cares about herself.

I have never heard her say, "Hey, I have a new low fat, low calorie, drink that will course through your veins like crack." She doesn't care that I get fatter and fatter while her pocket gets fatter and fatter.

 

3- She knows how to get her way.

"Get a gold card," she says. "It'll be rewarding," she says.

 

 

 

But today. Today was different. Today I had money burning a hole in my pocket. Today I had a little extra to splurge. Today I was chilly and I felt a little craptastic and nothing would have made me feel better than a warm mocha or a cold Tim (a drink so named for the barista that created it at our local store).

 

Usually I would go and get one. I would say to myself, "I have x number of calories left for today, this won't hurt." or maybe "I can do x amount of exercise tonight to make up for it." See before. I made excuses to be unhealthy. I thought that I could just make up for it, it is ONLY a drink after all.

 

But not today. Today I made my purchase and I walked right past her espresso nakedness, waved to Tim, and went to my car. And you know what? It. Felt. AWESOME. It was like a small victory for me. Now look here, this may sound stupid to you. But I didn't get to be 300lbs by always making great food decisions. It was a step to tell my favorite thing no.

 

Maybe this time is different. Maybe this time I have the mindset and the internal motivation that I need to really, really make a positive change in my life.

 

Am I saying I will never have Starbucks again?

Are you freaking crazy? NO! No I am NOT saying that. I love her, I must have her!

 

BUT.....

 

I am saying that I don't have to have her 3 or 4 times a week. I can maybe just see her once a week or once every other week. Not only will my body thank me, but my pocket will as well. Maybe I can see her and find a lower calorie option. I can get a Refresher or something instead of coffee. I can fin alternatives.

 

I had the will power tonight. As I walked past hearing her call to me. Shout to me that she would NOT be ignored!...

 

I told her to fuck off. (for now).

 

My heavens. If I can resist the siren, maybe I can do anything!

A Stumbling Block or a Stepping Stone

 

 

 

So the way I see it all of the people that you meet in life pretty much fall into two categories.

 

Stumbling blocks,

 

 or stepping stones.

 

The stepping stones are easy to pick out. They are the people that encourage you, that build you up. That tell you that no matter what comes along you can follow your dreams and you can make it! They are the people that are positive, the people that are light in your life. The ones that you turn to when things aren't going like you would like them to go. They fuel your fire, they salt your fries, they hate the people you hate.

The stepping stones are pretty rare. If you find one make sure that you try your best to keep them in your life. They are a source of strength. They will keep you sane.

 

But then there are the stumbling blocks. Believe it or not, these can be harder to identify. Mostly because sometimes it can be hard to actually label someone a stumbling block. It's hard because most of the time I don't think that we want to admit that someone is a stumbling block in our lives. Oh, we may easily admit that they don't always support us or encourage us. But we just see that as disinterest or any think other than a stumbling block. We would rather act like they are moot in our lives than that they are stubbing us up.

 

These are people that you usually care about and to think that they are a hindrance to you is painful. It's painful because you care about them, because you thought that they cared about you. Because you have to come to terms with the fact that you have put your faith and your time and effort and love into someone or something that will not give it back, You misjudged them and that is hard. In fact it sucks.

 

Identifying a stumbling block is hard because sometimes I don't think you even realize that you are being made to stumble.

 

You think that you are the problem. That you can't do it. That you aren't trying hard enough, you don't want it bad enough. Now, look here, I'm not one of these people that say that everything that happens to us is someone else's fault. I don't think that bad things that we do are all because someone else did something that made us do it. On the contrary failure is most always our fault.

 

Now before you take offense to this think about it.

 

We fail because we give up. No one makes you give up. We may say that so and so made us want to quit because they did this thing or that thing but the decision to quit was YOURS. No one MADE you. Furthermore YOU allow those people to remain in your life.

 

Now, I know what you are thinking. But he's my husband, she's my wife, that's my mom/dad/sister/brother/best friend. Let me break this down for you...

 

LIFE IS SHORT.

 

No one has the time or should expend the energy that it takes to try and compensate for an asshole , ur, stumbling block in your life.

 

All the time and energy that you spend trying to make excuses for them or trying to build yourself back up when they tear you down is NOT worth it. Why do we choose to surround ourselves with people who don't build us up and encourage us to be all that we can be? There is no reason and no excuse for it. Yes, that may be your husband or wife or sister or brother but look here, if they aren't willing to be a stepping stone for you, then they are a stumbling block, and you need to rid yourself of them.

 

It will not be easy. In fact I'd say that it would be very hard. It means moving on. It means saying goodbye to someone that you love. It means that there will be whispers and rumors. But it also means that you will be putting yourself in a healthy environment where you can move forward and grow and be all that you can be.

 

If we fail, as we sometimes may, fail knowing that you did everything that you could to succeed. If you quit, if you allow toxic people in your life, if you don't give it 110% then you only have yourself to blame.

 

I have allowed a lot of stumbling blocks in my life. I have allowed people who I called friends to discourage me, I allowed a man to have my heart and all he did was tear me down. He was more than a stumbling block he was a roadblock. He kept me from reaching my potential in my health, in my education, in my faith and in my LIFE. Now, I am staring to realize that I have other stumbling blocks too.

 

I have one that discourages me from staying positive about my lifestyle change (in hopes of attaining weight-loss); one that refuses to move forward and stifles my hopes for a successful life. The day may come when I say to myself "this is enough, I have to get rid of this stumbling block", and if/when that day comes it will be hard to deal with. But this life that I am living isn't about the stumbling blocks. It's about the stepping stones.

 

This year, as I've said before is my comeback year! This is the year that I will refuse, REFUSE to allow stumbling blocks to mar my path. This is the year that I will restore myself to my former glory. This is the year that I will find what/where I am meant to be. THIS will be my comeback.

 

On your comeback road you will find stumbling blocks. When that happens you have two choices. You can try to go around them and ignore them, only to find that they will pop up somewhere on down the line; or, you can chose to remove them. That may not be easy, and it may not be fun, but it may be necessary. This year is the year to cut away all the things in your life that hold you back and that hinder you from being all that you can be. This is the year to stop filling your life with things and people that trip you up. This is your comeback year too and you CAN remove all the stumbling blocks and replace them with stepping stones.

 

Today, take a moment to inventory your relationships and your habits and try to identify if they are stumbling blocks or stepping stones. If you don't know which, the answer is stumbling block. If someone is neither hot or cold, you need to spit them out. There is no time for people on the fence.

 

Stumbling block.

 

Stepping stone.

 

You decide.

The Comeback Year

If you haven't already, you need to head over and check out the wonderful blog at www.strutyourstroller.com. I came across this blog in some shares on Facebook and I must say that she is awesome to read. In the latest post the lovely Rachelle talks about making a change when you are "older". Now look. I'm 30 too and I don't consider myself old, well, until I'm out in the college town I live in and see some 19 year old kid and want to punch them in the face...THEN I'm old. But anyway.

 

I'm on the same road she is on. I did the college thing when I was out of HS and I was never happy and I bounced around from career to career and it wasn't until I was 29 that I decided what I wanted to do 'when I grew up'.

 

Now, on to the meat of this post.

 

I waited for a few days before I decided to talk about my new year's resolution. Mostly because these resolutions usually only last for a month or so and then make us all into liars.

 

But this year is different. This year is going to be my year. This is going to be my comeback year.

 

Hell yes!

 

I feel like I am coming to the game in the 7th inning stretch. All those formative years when I should have been going out with friends and dating and finding myself I spent in a bad relationship. I spend under some kind of lock and key and I missed out on all of those things. So when the relationship ended when I was like 24, I finally got to start having the kind of life that a 19 year old should have. I went to clubs, I stayed out at a friend's house and drank, dare I say it, I even smoked some pot. But after a few years I got over that too and I started feeling the crunch to do more and be more. When I went back to school at 29 with a degree course finally plotted out I really started to feel, well, unfulfilled.

 

When I was 25 I was married and ready to have kids. But the older I've gotten the more I have realized why some people don't have kids. I'm not saying that I never will, but until I get to a place in my life where I can financially care for a child I will not have one that I know I have to use government assistance to care for. This is another topic all together so I will let that be for now.

 

The last year I have been in a constant feeling of unrest. In a lot of ways. I'm happy that I'm working so hard to get a career, one that I feel happy with. I'm happy with the work that I am doing now. But a lot of things I just feel like are lacking, they are not living up to what I always thought I wanted to what I expected from myself. I know where I have always kind of wanted to end up and the road I am on just won't lead me there.

 

I have fallen quite in love with the lyrics from the song "Comeback" that Redlight King performs. I decided that this year will be the year for my comeback!

 

I'm not going on a diet, no. That's too much pressure and it immediately screams "EAT STUFF YOU HATE!!" What I am doing is eating more foods that are good for my blood type, cutting out gluten as much as I can because those foods make me feel like garbage and I'm tired of feeling like garbage. I want to start exercising more because that made me feel much better. It's not so much about losing weight as it is about feeling better and feeling better about myself.

 

Oh, I have other goals too but I will save them for a different time I suppose. My number one goal is to be healthier and more fit. I want to be the person I see myself as in my mind instead of the person I see myself as in my mirror. I'll tell you one thing, what I will not do is allow anyone to sway me or to look at me with that "I've heard this before" look. I know that I may have to make better (and perhaps more expensive food choices). But this is one reason that I've taken on a second job.

 

I refuse to depend on what someone else is doing to try and fulfil what I want from my own life. I gotta keep moving on and if they choose to follow they may, and if they don't well that is up to them. But I have to live for ME. I have to do what makes ME feel like I have made something of myself. I want to get out of this abyss that I have been in since that bad relationship and feel like I am worth something again.

 

I have these ideas in my head of things that I want to do and even though I may never do them, I will do all that I can to try and get there.

 

This will be my comeback year. I hope to share this comeback with all of you. I hope that if you read this you may share your comeback too. Let this be YOUR comeback year. Let this be the year that you say "Go on. Tell me that you've heard it before, that I've failed so many times in the past, that I can't or I won't go ahead and believe that I won't make it because it will just make it so much sweeter when I do." Tell your haters and the disbelievers to eff-off and make a COMEBACK this year.

 

Do it for YOU.

 

This will be my year. My comeback.

 

Make it yours too.