Fat and Happy

     Anyone that tells you that being fat doesn't make their life harder is a liar. Look I'm just calling a spade a spade. They are a liar. Being fat makes everything harder. It makes getting accepted harder, it makes feeling good about yourself harder, it makes shopping, rollercoaster riding, beach trips, everything (!) harder.

     As cool as it would be to say that I had a documentary on TLC about me and how I couldn't get out of my king sized mattress that sat on the floor and clothes wouldn't go on me and doctors were coming across the country to help me that isn't what I want to be known for. But a moment came (around the time I turned 30 a couple months ago) that I was like, "Dude, that could be me". It could be ME! It was scary. When I saw my scale tip 300 the first time I almost broke down. Then it climbed, it climbed some more. I felt worse and worse and worse.

     This brings me to the next lie that we fat chicks tell. "I'm fat, but I'm happy." You may be saying to yourself that this isn't necessarily a lie. I suppose that it isn't ENTIRELY a lie. But it is a lie. Don't tell me or anyone else that you are HAPPY not being able to go shopping with your best girlfriends, or share their clothes. Don't tell me that you are HAPPY having people look at you with disgust and treat you with disrespect because of your weight, don't tell me that you are HAPPY not being able to wear the latest fashions or fashion trends (A&F NOT INCLUDED), that you are HAPPY feeling like a failure when that scale number climbs or when the doctor brings up your weight again, or you can't go on a rollercoaster or sit in a certain seat or fit by someone in an aisle at a theater or church or plane, don't say that you are HAPPY knowing that you are at higher risk of heart attack, high cholesterol, stroke, cancer, premature death, and sugar (that diabetes for you folks that don't have the word ya'll in your everyday vocabulary).

     If you are so happy, then why do you still do things that you know are bad for you? My best assumption is that no one is ever in denial that they are fat. You know if you are fat. If you have eyes or a mirror or the sense of touch you can know that you are fat. I'm not in denial that I am fat. I know I'm fat. I know how I got fat and why I've stayed fat. I know what I need to do to try and not be so fat.....

but I don't really do it.

Why?

     Because I'm NOT HAPPY. See I think that you can get into this depression, this funk. Let's say you want to do ZUMBA. But you are really obese so you can't do all the moves and you get out of breath after only a few minutes, so you feel so embarrassed about letting the people who for some reason are still in the class even though they are DONE because they already weigh like 80 pounds see you like this. So you quit. You feel bad that you quit and so you eat a pint of ice cream. See people who are fat like me are so happy that they find reasons to 'celebrate' all the time! I got an 'A' in my class, lets get some cheesesticks; I failed my class, how about a pint of Ben and Jerry's. My dog pooped, I sneezed, the sun came up today, there's a squirrel....lets eat, lets snack, lets, lets....WOOOOO!!!

     See we get this high from eating and from controlling our food and we equate feeling good=happy and that's not the case. You feel good when you eat because of chemical reactions in your brain, not because it makes you happy. How many times, honestly now, have you eaten something and felt like complete crap afterwards? Umm, hum...yeah. You know the truth here don't you

     I think if you are so happy in your life, why not get healthy so that you can, you know ENJOY more of your life. How much joy comes from having to feel like you are on the sidelines because of your weight? Not much. I say this because I know this. I live this everyday.

     Being fat doesn't make me happy. This doesn't mean I hate myself or who I am. But I am anything but happy about what I am. For me there have been no tests that conclusively show that I have a medical problem that is making me be heavy. I know that my thyroid is low and that may make it more difficult, I know that I deal with depression and that does too. I know that I have old injuries that give me pain that affect my ability to exercise. I like to pretend that I don't eat poorly, and for the most part I don't. I don't really do Coke's or things like that, I love fruit, veggies, and healthy food.... I also love sweet tea, Starbucks, and ice cream. I'm not happy being fat. I don't think that the me that I go through this life as is the real me. It's not the me that I want the world to see.

     Fat and happy. I don't buy it. Fat and focused is more like it. Focused on trying to convince everyone that you don't mind being one of the last things that it seems PC to look down on people for. Focused on pretending that you don't mind the looks, the whispers. But what if instead of being focused on proving to everyone that you were happy you decided to focus on getting happy.

     Find one thing, just ONE THING, that you would like to get healthier for. Just one. Focus on that. Maybe it's your baby, your niece, your nephew, your spouse, your ailing parent, yourself...one thing. Focus on that one thing. Use that thing to make you happy and then just be happy instead of fat and happy.