Life really IS like a box of chocolates

I haven't weighed in a while. I have no desire to....



     You know, life really is like a box of chocolates. You never really do know what you are gonna get. Well, unless you get one of those boxes with a "candy map" on it that lets you know what is where in the box. But even then it's pretty much a crap shot because you have no idea what the crap half of the stuff means (what the crap is Roman Nougat anyway??). So you still end up with bitten into pieces of saliva covered gross chocolate in the trash, on your hand, a napkin, the floor, whatever. Seems like just when you get all excited that you have a box of chocolate, you get the gross piece of candy, and that sucks.

     I have gotten to where I can feel it coming on. Those depressive times. I know that they are coming and try as I may there is little that I can do to stop them. Eating healthy, exercising, and depression are not friends. They do not go together at all. I don't think that I am bi-polar because my manic isn't that manic, but I know when the depressive state in setting in.

I eat.

Like, everything! Partial to junk, but will eat, and eat, and EAT. I don't care about carbs, calories, fat, or that it was meant to serve 6. I will eat it.

I don't want to shower.

Look, I know that is gross. I'm not happy about it. But when I'm having these episodes, showering seems like such an undertaking. I have ZERO motivation to do it. I want to sleep, watch TV, generally do NOTHING.

I don't want to exercise.

This includes pretty much everything. Running, walking, yoga, working outside. Nothing seems like something worth doing.

So you can see where this cuts into any type of get healthy program. I eat and I don't exercise. I dread when I step back on the scale. I will have to try hard to not let the number that I see get me depressed even more to the point that I really give up.

Sadly depression is a part of my life and it has been for a while. How can you describe to someone who has never had to deal with it the feelings of hopelessness and lifelessness that overcome you. I mean there is literally NOTHING that seems enjoyable to me when I'm going through these times. The worse you feel, the worse you feel. Imagine being chained to a wall in a dark room. The more you pull on your chain, the shorter it gets and the shorter it gets the more hopeless you feel that you will never get out. This is what it is like.

Slowly but surely I start to get out of it. I start to get back into the old me. I get back some motivation to you know, live. But it's not easy at all to get there.

There are people that say that its the Devil trying to get me down and I would say that I agree. Because it seem sometimes that it happens when I feel the best. Anytime things start to go good, something will get you down. It's a way of life for many people friends. I'm one of them.

Life really is like a box of chocolates, you finish your Tampico (the toasted coconut cup things) and it is great and then you get a caramel and it is really good too, but then you bite into some gross nougat thing or a chocolate covered cherry and you gag. See it means that things are going really good, pretty good, and then something bad can come along and turn you off from chocolate (at least for a while...) But you eat chocolate again. Life has to be like that. When things are going great and then get pretty good and then bad, you can't just stop having life...you have to treat life like a box of chocolate and just get out your map (the Bible, perhaps, or whatever you find guidance in) and find a better piece. Sometimes you may have lost your candy map, so you just wait for something better to come along.

But things will change. You will get yourself back. I'm not going to quit just because things have gotten hard this time. I'm not going to just fail and wallow in my failure. It may take a while, but I'll be back to me again.