You Can't Be a Bird All The Time

Weight: 311.0

     When did we make the word 'diet' synonymous with what we aren't eating? Your diet I what you do eat, but we have made the word diet stand for not eating certain things. It's strange to me. Dieting is not a way of life. We weren't meant to be on diets keeping things from ourselves for our whole lives. I mean, what fun is that?

     There will be days on you journey called life and on your eating better/healthier journey when you, you know, don't. There will be days when you want a Great American Cookie Company Cookie while you are out with your sweetie, there will be days when you just want to eat tortilla chips and cheese before you eat your burritos at the Mexican place some days you won't be on a 'diet'.

     I guess though you need to be aware of when those days are. This morning I was pretty bummed to see that I gained weight. I mean I did eat some fast food yesterday, it was carbalicious, but I also drank a gallon of water and did my C25K. It was only a few tenths of a pound, but I was still upset. So all those things I just talked about, I did them. How do I feel now? Pretty much like garbage. I can't imagine what the scale will say tomorrow and I don't want to. I know that it will be devastating. Tomorrow is a run day, tomorrow will have to be a strict eating day too it appears to try and make up for today. It seems that this is the game that I play. One day I'm a rabbit and the next I'm a hippo.

     That seems to be the most frustrating thing for me. You can't be a bird all the time. You can't be restricted all that time (at least I can't). Maybe that is my problem.

     I'm always playing catch-up; make-up with myself. I have a really good day, I have a bad day when temptation is bad, or when I'm feeling down and I over eat or eat garbage or woolf things down and I act like I have no cares in the world with food. It's not a good way to be, I understand this, I know this, but it doesn't seem to matter to me because I still do these things.

     I am starting to really believe and know that I can't do this on my own. I will have to have God help me with this because it is a battle that I have been trying to fight and I have been failing miserably. I want, no, I need to get a handle on myself. I want the outside to fit the inside. I'm tired of feeling like garbage and not being able to live my life on the terms that I want. Who' with me on this? Who else is tired of feeling like you have to be a bird all the time?

     There has to be a happy medium, there has to be a place where you get in your mind that you can have it both ways. That you can have that cookie, but don't have three; where you can have chips, but not a basket full.

     As far as birds go, I'm more like Big Bird than a finch. Humph, I'm more like Snuffalupagus than Big Bird, but anyway. One step up two steps back is the story of my eating life. I'm always don't good and making up for doing bad. I get so frustrated and I know that many of you may feel this way too.

     Just remember that you can't be a bird all the time. You will have days when you eat things or quantities of things that you shouldn't, but don't be like me, don't let those days get you down because those days will come. Maybe you will feel depressed, maybe your best friend will be getting married and so you will have cake and her reception candy buffet and all the free drinks that she is serving, but one day doesn't have to get you off track. One day when you don't have a loss doesn't have to send you into a tail spin. Remember that our bodies change from day to day and those changes can show changes in our weight that aren't even due to anything that we did or didn't do or eat. Your life is full of one days, of new days. So treat each one like a new day and instead of being upset about what you did or didn't do or lose yesterday, be positive about what you can do or lose today. Today is a new day to start over, today is a new day with new decisions. I can't take back eating those cookies (well I could puke or something I guess but who wants to do that. I mean, I don't enjoy barfing let alone barfing up pecan cookie and Starbucks) but I can control what I do tomorrow.

     And tomorrow.....I will be a bird. (or at least be more like one)