She calls to me. Her hair waves around her face like the wind from the ocean or a green field is blowing it. Perhaps she is atop a grand rock outcropping looking out onto a vast ocean or sea of green. Whatever her place in the universe she calls to me.
Her sweet siren song lures me in with the promise of warmth or coolness, of sweet, tart or savory, of something new and unexpected. She picks me up, she soothes me, she fills my soul. She is beautiful and exciting and delicious...and deadly.
She is the sweet siren lady of Starbucks.
She is my WCW (even though it's Thursday) and she is my personal devil in disguise.
She calls to me.
She waves her café mocha latte in my face. She beckons me with a black and white mocha, or a frap, or (gasp) caramel macchiato.
I love her.
But I hate her.
I desire her.
But I loathe her.
Honestly besides maybe Sharpie and Ben & Jerry, my worst addiction is Starbucks. Oh, I wasn't always this way. But when I moved and had one within out 5 minutes of my house...well, it be came an issue.
1- She takes money from me.
Like most gold diggers she is interested in only one thing, my money! She wants me to spend it all with her. "Come on," she whispers, "you know that you actually want a VENTI iced B&W."
2- She only cares about herself.
I have never heard her say, "Hey, I have a new low fat, low calorie, drink that will course through your veins like crack." She doesn't care that I get fatter and fatter while her pocket gets fatter and fatter.
3- She knows how to get her way.
"Get a gold card," she says. "It'll be rewarding," she says.
But today. Today was different. Today I had money burning a hole in my pocket. Today I had a little extra to splurge. Today I was chilly and I felt a little craptastic and nothing would have made me feel better than a warm mocha or a cold Tim (a drink so named for the barista that created it at our local store).
Usually I would go and get one. I would say to myself, "I have x number of calories left for today, this won't hurt." or maybe "I can do x amount of exercise tonight to make up for it." See before. I made excuses to be unhealthy. I thought that I could just make up for it, it is ONLY a drink after all.
But not today. Today I made my purchase and I walked right past her espresso nakedness, waved to Tim, and went to my car. And you know what? It. Felt. AWESOME. It was like a small victory for me. Now look here, this may sound stupid to you. But I didn't get to be 300lbs by always making great food decisions. It was a step to tell my favorite thing no.
Maybe this time is different. Maybe this time I have the mindset and the internal motivation that I need to really, really make a positive change in my life.
Am I saying I will never have Starbucks again?
Are you freaking crazy? NO! No I am NOT saying that. I love her, I must have her!
BUT.....
I am saying that I don't have to have her 3 or 4 times a week. I can maybe just see her once a week or once every other week. Not only will my body thank me, but my pocket will as well. Maybe I can see her and find a lower calorie option. I can get a Refresher or something instead of coffee. I can fin alternatives.
I had the will power tonight. As I walked past hearing her call to me. Shout to me that she would NOT be ignored!...
I told her to fuck off. (for now).
My heavens. If I can resist the siren, maybe I can do anything!
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